I thought I had a defined blog ‘topic’, but it is coming to me so random, that I don’t actually know what to call it. I have been going through some things in my personal life. Just really at a place where I have hit a split in the road. Any wrong decision, move or focus can lead me down the way I don’t want to go.  
I know that I am not a perfect person. I don’t try to be. My mannerisms show my true character. I don’t put up a face or a front. I am just me. I try to be a good person, I try to do right and be a good person in the relationships that mean the most to me. But sometimes the favor is not returned. In relationships, all I ask for is honesty, truth and to love me, flaws and all. In return I give you that. People say ‘you are a good catch’ and I say ‘act like you caught something good then’! For once before I get married, I just want to feel like I am his prize, his treasure. I want him to spoil me, just a couple of times so I know what that feels like. A guy to plan something on his own without me having to hint. Just to be like, ‘you mean more to me than this btw’. Just something. I have never gotten a treatment like this. I was always taking men out and doing things for them, just to return to me their basicness and sex. And I want to feel like I mean more to him than just that. Just for once, just for someone to match up their actions with what they tell me. 
For 1, I am not or never will be that chick that expects a man to fully take care of me financially. I really do have my own money. I have been paying my bills just fine, and will be able to do that in the future. However, I do expect to be taken care of as a girlfriend… if I want to go on dates, movies, etc, I should expect my man to do so, right?  
Its embarrassing when family say ‘Im going to have to do something about your love life’ or ‘we need to get you hooked up with somebody’. Its an embarrassment because I don’t want to make it seem like I look for stuff in guys. I just really expect men in mature relationships to step up to the plate. That’s all. I was talking with a guy who was like, ‘why are you asking for basic stuff in the relationship. that is a given to want to go out on dates. are you kidding me? dates? you’ve been really brainwashed. you should really expect more from him than dates.’ And I couldn’t help but agree. Out of all my relationships there was only 1 guy who I honestly said did that, but was going around screwing everyone, plus I gave him over $1000 in our relationship. To this day, I don’t remember what it was for, but he really sweet talked me out of that money frfr.
It just seem like I get overlooked because I have my own, and guys don’t expect to do a lot or work. Like guys like the independent woman, but the fact is, I am still a woman. In the relationship, I should be the woman. I really don’t make it hard for a guy to date me honestly, I just want to be shown what he tell me. It almost appears that guys say things so I’ll stay and stick around, which is not the case. In the ‘relationship’ I am currently involved in, on the side, there are plenty of guys that have tried to take me out to dinner, movies… all that, but I remain faithful, because my loyalty is always to my relationship. When it gets to a point where I am fine going outside my relationship for emotional gratification, then I know there is something absolutely wrong.        
IDK, just my thoughts.      

4 thoughts on “Rambling…”

  1. The thought that comes to my mind when I read this is..(in my opinion)…It seems to me that you possess all the gifted qualities of a Loving, Caring, Compassionate, Strong, Confident Woman…..but maybe, just maybe…you have been wasting those God given qualities by giving them to wrong man? The wrong man is any man who ultimately knows your worth and your exceptional value to his world but does not express his feelings in significant appreciation and pure dedication? Instead, he leaves you with feelings of frustration, aggravation, and irritation? No. I think you are highly justified in the way that you feel. Some Men are a term I call,
    “Lazy in Love”. Which means they seek to get the most benefit from a relationship and seek to do the least amount of work possible to maintain the relationship. Some Men just do not understand the dynamic impact that a Woman of your caliber brings. A Strong Woman
    means a much stronger Man. Barack couldn’t be who he is..which is head of the greatest nation in the world…..if he didn’t have Michelle in his back office (so to speak). See, some Men are not at the stage in Life where they can recognize the fact that they actually “need” a strong companion as a partner. Some Men are even intimidated by the “type” of Woman who has it “all” (so to speak). The reality of it is that some men do not like to see a Woman who is confident, independent, successful, and beautiful, as you truly are. You may have believed that all Men do, but the reality of it is..(in my opinion) sometimes it makes them feel as though you do not need them for anything at all. Some men need someone to “depend” on THEM. See, the biological make up of a Real Man is to “Provide”. We are hunters, farmers, builders. We go out and bring what is needed back home. Some insecure Men have complexes that turns into real insecurities at some point. If he sees that what ever you need, you can get it without his help, he then. in turn, sees this as a competitive circumstance which sometimes leads to him becoming intimidated which leads to lack of appreciation for some of the things that you try to do for them. For some, it even leads them into being “Takers”. They just take advantage of a Woman until she has nothing left to give or they have gotten all they really need out of the relationship so they feel its time to let it go sour anyway. The best scenario for you is to find that “Special” Man who God has designed specifically for YOU. This Man will intimately learn your mind and your heart first, then he will know exactly what he must do to make you smile and keep you smiling. He will Love and Appreciate you as no other Man has and he will Praise God even more everyday because God saw fit to bless his life with YOU. He will Honor, Love, Appreciate and Adore You as a Blessing. Those things that you desire from a Man will be first nature for him..not because he lacks any material thing that you possess, but because of his Love and Admiration for God, he must in turn, treat you as he would treat himself, because YOU are apart of Him and He is apart of YOU. That is the key. See, You have to understand that God is apart of this and he has a special plan just for you that fits your needs and your desires. You just have to make the decision to look for who God has for you and abandon the thought of sharing your “Beautiful Treasures” with those who are not worthy of your Love, Time, Affection and your Body. He is not far from your grasps, but you have to look where God has placed him in your World. He knows there is something Beautiful in YOU and YOU only. It is important for you to begin to prepare your heart, mind, and body for that Man that was chosen for YOU. I am confident that God has a work for you both to accomplish together as a team..but you have to make that Executive Decision to place those “second string players”…………………….back on bench………………………………………..where they belong. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s