Well, What Did You Do?

I’m going to try this thing again.

I tried to write this a couple of weeks ago, then a couple of days ago, but I couldn’t write it because I knew what I wanted to say. I had so much to say, that I couldn’t say anything! (Anyone ever felt like that?) So I am going to try it in a different approach.

Do anyone find it totally weird  when people come to you with “Well let me tell you what happened..” or “Man, see what had happened was..” and it’s a biased story? Like they are the victim of what happened and all this bad stuff happened to them for no reason? For instance, too many times as women we go paint this picture of our boyfriend (or dare I say ex boyfriend) of him doing us wrong. But sometimes we forget we, too, played a part in the situation. Like we want to tell our girls ‘man, he cheated on me’ but we forgot that time we cheated on our boyfriend FIRST and he ended up finding out about it, even though we thought we kept that secret?

Or how about, parents, when you get all hype when your children come home with a story of how the teacher ‘treated’ them in class today, but forgot to mention they were disrupting the class first? 

How many times we get caught up in stories like this? And we forget to give people the side eye like ‘well, what did you do?’

I watched Basketball Wives this past Monday, and that question again came up. In the middle of Evelyn talking with her relationship therapist, she was stopped by a question, ‘well what did you do?’. And I believe that is a valid statement to ask someone as they are going on and on about what happened to them. 

Like, what was your part of the script? And watch how they pause.

In my opinion, this is the basis of how our opinions are formed about the 3rd party without us even knowing them. It has happened to me: in the past and recently. Passing judgement on me off one persons story about me, then POOF… there it is! Its true. She is like this and that. When in real life, I’m nothing like what I was characterized as. But if only that person asked ‘…well what did you do?’ Maybe it would have been a different story.

As I grow, this is one of the lessons I have learned. For starters, not to really go off in the heat of the moment in the first place, guarding what I say is a top priority. And  when I am confronted by a person that has this ULTIMATE story to tell about something or someone, I ask, ‘well what did you do? What happened before the shots were fired? What was your roll?’ 

I have told my ex, ‘please don’t taint my perception of so and so when I haven’t met them yet.’ Because it is so true! How many times we meet a person that your friend have talked about previously and you are looking at them with the side eye, and you don’t even know them! LOL.  Weird!

For no reason, pettiness.




1 thought on “Well, What Did You Do?”

  1. Right! I understand where you’re coming from with this one. Its funny that you mentioned it but I was just thinking: “There are always 3 sides to a story. There’s, Yours, and the TRUTH, which may or may not be a part of either story told by either party. It’s hard to believe some things that people say, especially when they are describing a situation that involves them. Self preservation comes into play at that point. Where people manipulate their descriptions to favor them or to look less likely that they would commit the acts in question. I heard a saying recently…I think it was Jay-z or somebody (can’t remember right off hand) but it goes like this: “Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers DON’T.” People can lie all day about this and that. They can tell all kinds of stories and fabrications about things that happen to them in their lives. The fact is no one ever can really know what goes on between two people except those two people and God, you know. I have abandoned the idea of trying to decipher between the Truth and Lies in what people say. Honestly, I could care less because I am not their judge and eventually, the Truth will come out. It always does. I have learned to just give people the benefit of the doubt. Leave people in their own space with their own words. I am not a judge nor do I have any physic powers to read minds so I don’t attempt to know if someone is telling the truth or not. I simply just take it at face value. Especially if I don’t know you or your habits. Now, on the other hand, if you are known to be a habitual liar based on experiences in the past, then naturally, there would be more reason to second guess or question based on habits. That’s why you really should get to know people before you decide to walk down any path with them. (Relationship, Friendship, Partnership)

    Chad was wrong for what he did, PERIOD. It doesn’t really matter what Evelyn, “Said”. She did admit that she was antagonizing him with words but that doesn’t give him the right to “head butt” the Woman. Now, some people (especially Women) can say the nastiest words in anger and out of spite. Especially in a relationship where there are emotions involved, people can lose their religion…….lol……all in the name of Love. Like Evelyn did say she missed Chad and would consider getting back with him. She did say that Chad was here best friend, her ace boon, but………Ummm…..WHAT?!?! The man smashed your head in and you had to get staples in your frontal lobe and you saying that you miss this n&^%$ and would consider Marrying him again?!?!? See, That is a prime example of how Love sometimes makes you a blind fool and makes you react in ways that you would have never thought you would react. To some, it’s just plain crazy. To others, it’s called, “Crazy in Love”. It’s not for us to really judge….. But really, who knows what it really is between those two people….nobody…….except those two people…………………………………………………………………….and the Most High.

    Talk to you Soon,

    Be Blessed,



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