So, anyone else feel this way besides me lately?
I mean I heard people reference ‘going through the motions’ but I really had to look that up and really understand what it means because I have been feeling this way for a good little minute now.
My life consist of 95% of me giving myself away. Either it is by ministry, church, work, friends/boyfriends, family, dance practice, travel. That other 5% I really long for because that is my ME time. Meaning, this is when I get to sleep, reflect, read my bible, pray, watch tv, cook… etc. That little 5% is just me… and rex. lol
So I feel like that is what I do… go to work, come home, go to a meeting, eat, come home, go to sleep, wake up, go to bible study, eat, come home, go to sleep, wake up, eat, practice, watch tv, go to sleep… just like this, every week. Every day. And it gets pretty annoying. Why? Because, it’s going through the motions everyday. Giving myself to everybody, because everybody want Amber to do this, Amber to be there, Amber to see, Amber to do… and I get so frustrate because I’m like, I wish I can have 1 day to just not go through any of the motions, and be free. Free to do whatever I wish to do.
I was speaking with someone and I told them ‘it is so draining to be a person that is always pulled from.’ In the back of my mind it’s like, ‘well i have to make this, do this after this, go this place, meet them somewhere, then chill over here.” That is my life. It has to follow a schedule. I don’t do things spur of the minute anymore, because my days are already planned months in advance. You have to plan things with me now… strange. lol
But I just feel like I am going through the movements of life. I believe right now I am at a stand still waiting on the next phase of my life to start. What will it and what won’t it bring?
I don’t know. I feel this blog is going through the motions. LOL. Good night.