So When Is Honesty Bad?

So I have been dealing with this for a moment. I was thinking this to myself lately, ‘Amber, you are brutally honest. Nah, just honest I suppose.’

I guess you be the judge of where I go wrong?

If I have nothing nice to say at all, I don’t say it. I don’t say anything at all. Like the rule says ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all.’ These are my moments when I can let something slide because I see no point in making a point about it. Like something that got on my nerve for the moment. But when I speak up about something, better believe I feel it  will hinder my progression. For instance like speaking up for something I have no tolerance in.

But I guess lately, the latter is almost like I’m being mean almost. And it’s sort of frustrating because I assume that people would appreciate me speaking up about something then letting it ride. This is how people can walk over you.

Biggest instance and scenario. (Sorry for putting it out there, but here it go.)

My ex boyfriend of recent and I broke up because we weren’t seeing eye to eye. In my opinion the relationship needed desperate work. But I didn’t come up with the conclusion like that day we broke up, it has been lingering for months. During these months, I hinted about a lot of things & also talked about where we are plenty of times, in all this we stayed together because real relationships work. (This is my example of when I don’t say very much.) Then it got to a point where we didn’t talk like for a full week (I counted 7 days) but we texted ‘GM, GN’ and stuff like that. No real conversation we had. I wanted to see if he noticed anything different. But he kept on going on like we were fine. And I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so unhappy and I felt like I was going through the motions. And those who know me, know that I am not that woman. So, I told him in a final time that this is not working. (And as many and plenty of times he said he would get better, do better, do different things, it wasn’t followed through.) So I guess I called it quits.

But I was wrong, right? Not to me I wasn’t. Why, because I felt that relationship was hindering my happiness and my relationship with God. I was unhappy, therefore I was going around people unhappy, not in a great mood. All of that. But I am perceived now as a bad person.

When is enough ENOUGH to stop and say something? To be honest, first with yourself then honest with a person? I second guessed myself plenty of times, ‘well maybe I should have not done it like that, maybe I should have stayed’ then there was something that was like ‘NOPE, because it would have been more of the same. Because of the fact every time we talked sounded like a repeated record, I been told him these things.’ 

What I don’t get is how people say they want honesty, but when you feed it to them, they get offended and call you out? You asked for it! Geez! It’s like you want honesty or sugar coated verbiage? When it boils down to it, it’s either you want the truth or a lie? I just don’t get it. You would think, lies are the easiest pill to swallow sometimes, because it is what people want to hear, and not what they need to hear. That’s how unintended relationships last, unintended friendships last, family secrets stay hidden, unintended marriages last.  Maybe next time, I should not say anything at all.


1 thought on “So When Is Honesty Bad?”

  1. When is Honesty bad? That is a real good question. In my experience, Honesty has always been the best policy. I wish there more people who think like you. Truth is that OF COURSE you should speak your mind even when you disapprove of something. That way, at the end of the day, you can SLEEP at night. Now, in my opinion, there is always a time and a place for EVERYTHING. I believe the wisdom in dealing with “Truths” is seated in the “Timing”. Another thought comes to my mind when I read your post is this: sometimes, people’s truths can be real ugly when it comes down to it and Miss Zellner, lets just be real, some people do not want to acknowledge their flaws. Sometimes you can even damage relationships by being brutally honest…………… at the wrong time. The truth is, in social world based on falsehoods, most people are not prepared to adequately deal with their own truths. In a human society where historically we have built civilizations with deception…..people are more accepting of fabrications than the truth. But to your point, I believe you are absolutely justified in your actions. In my opinion, Honesty is what builds a relationship, which builds a family, which builds the community, then the city, then our Nation. Honesty, is always the best place to start.

    As far as your past relationship is concerned, in my opinion, if any relationship (past, present or future,) hinders your spiritual progress or any personal progress in any form, the wisest decision is to remove it, however, intimate relationships prove to be one of the hardest things to simply “drop the ball” and “keep it moving”, so to speak. I definitely understand. In my opinion, as long as you communicated your desires to him and he acknowledged the areas and was willing to work towards a solution, then it becomes a choice to provide an opportunity for improvement. The question that remains is whether or not you are willing to devote any more of your precious time to something that you honestly feel in your heart, will just not work. Relationships takes two people getting into the “Ring” so to speak…but if you no longer have a desire to fight, then it can truly be a frustrating waste of time fighting a “Ghost”. My experience has taught me that Life is short….too short to live it UNHAPPY. Who has the time to be in relationship that is frustrating, aggravating, and irritating? You can experience those emotions on a normal day basis dealing with co-workers, friends or family, why would you want to invest your precious time into a relationship that gives you grief? Its like the post that put up earlier: After 25, you shouldn’t be entertaining someone you see no future with. My only addition to that statement is: After 25, you shouldn’t entertain someone who gets on your LAST D%$# NERVE. You might laugh, but you know its so TRUE! (lol)

    Sorry for the lengthy reply,

    Just wanted to share a few thoughts on this one…

    Be Blessed,

    Talk to you Soon,

    Yours Truly,

    Mr. Write


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