It’s such a shame how much validation we need from others. So much that sometimes we stay in that constant state of feeling sorry for ourselves, throwing pity parties, always bringing up your negativity and burdens in conversations to others, always saying “Yeah, I’m making it” and complaining, bringing up drama always and just being depressive.
If you’re like me, you really get tired of hearing from people like this, so much, you tune them out. I know I do from time to time, because I feel as though when you acquire the knowledge on what you need to do better and to get better, and you are not applying that to your life, there’s nothing more I can say. I am not one that stays in pity parties for other people… rubbing your shoulder, agreeing with you how bad the world is, being your amen corner, engaging in your unimportant drama, listening to your point of view when its wrong anyway… I can’t really do that. What I can do is RE-redirect your attention back on things that are good and lovely (Philippians 4:8). But even that can be draining when I know they know better.
As Oprah puts it:
“You are responsible for YOUR life! If you are sitting around waiting on somebody to save you… fix you… even help you, you are wasting your time. Forgive the past, take responsibility and move forward!”
There is no one responsible for one’s life except that individual so, broken down into detail:
No one is responsible for our health, except us.
No one is responsible for our happiness, except us.
No one is responsible for our peace, except us.
No one is responsible for our joy, except us.
No one is responsible for our feelings, except us.
No one is responsible for our life’s path, except us.
Yeah, it is so convenient to drop blame on our past, on our moms, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, church family, pastor, deacon, mother, cat, dog, bird, president… even God. It is so convenient to take the blame off ourselves and blame someone or something of why we’re troubled and depressed.
I believe the reason we put blame on other things is because it is easy to do so and so we can continue living the way we want. So we can be lazy. So we can hold grudges. So we can give reason on why our life is so messed up. It’s very convenient.
However, a fresh way to look at our problems in life is to understand James approach to it:
In James 1: 2-4 he expressed: Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.(NLT).
The New Living Translation says it best, as considering your trouble a chance and an opportunity to get happy instead of grumble about how our life is falling apart. When we are pressed, and stressed on every side, James reminds us that it is forming our character. Know that it is doing us some good. Yet, even though we want the instant fix to our problems, that instant fix will not resolve a deeper issue underlying. James said struggles are supposed help us build from the inside out.
As an example, we get into a financial bind. So we ask for x amount of money to borrow to help us start back on our feet. The money we get is only covering up your physical problem. But if we have the same mentality to spend more than what we have, biting off more than what we can chew, we will forever have financial problems.
But certain people will never get this, because they find a certain validation in getting others to join in feeling sorry for their problems too; instead of finding a solution to their problem. How funny is it that we would rather choose a friend who will join us in our tantrum than a friend who will help our character grow to get out of a situation! I have learned to stay shy, and at a distance, of those who always have bad things to say, always complaining about their life, always feeling down and are overall life and energy suckers. Luke 6:45 says “What you say flows from what is in your heart.” And what is in your heart, that is who you are.