I used to be involved with a cheater. Actually a couple of them. I promised myself I would never put my heart in the arms of one ever again.
I received a Google message from who I thought was my ex-boyfriend last year. “He” messaged me like he would normally do.. “Hi!”
And so I responded back “Hi!”
The next message startled me:
“He must’ve really hurt you. This is _____wife. I am seeing these old messages and trying to figure out how long yall been reaching out to each other since this last message.”
I just shook my head at the message and took a deep breath- here we go.
After an exchange of some more messages between us, she ended the conversation with a clearer understanding that I didn’t want her husband (if that was her husband) and I am perfectly fine with my life right now. Although she was looking for something that she obviously didn’t get it from me, I really felt sorry for her.
I used to be her. I used to be that girl who felt like she had to chase after the women my guy was chasing after. Whenever he wasn’t in my presence, I was nervous about who he was with and what he was doing. Whenever he was in my presence, I was nervous he was texting another girl. I used to send the messages to girls, going through the phone, making sure he was at work and so forth. I was never comfortable with him being mine because in reality- I shared him. And I wasn’t brave enough to be alone. So I was between a rock and a hard place.
So many women are fighting this losing battle every day. They are putting on their social media status they are ‘in a relationship’ (and even married) and their lives are enslaved by the constant nagging, nervousness and investigation they have to do on their man to keep their man away from other women. A title doesn’t define the relationship, two hearts committed to the relationship does.They can put a title on it to try to alleviate what’s clearly obvious, that they are single. If a guy is not faithful to a woman, both parties are single. A real relationship is a heart matter, not a title matter.
I was listening to a sermon by one pastor I respect and in it he says that you can teach a person to do something, just like you can train an animal a trick. We can change the behavior, but if the heart doesn’t change, there is no real change. I have said this before…whatever your heart is full of, that is what you DO. Point. Blank. Period. Personally, I believe no one can ever tell you I didn’t mean to, because it was already in them to do. They may not have wanted to hurt you, but what’s being fed in them grows in them and will produce out of them.
Girl, I want to let you know that you are beautiful and you are called beautiful and worthy by God! One bible verse that sticks out to me is that the Lord’s plans and thoughts are good towards you and to prosper you. I always like the Jeremiah 29:11 verse “…plans are for good and not for evil…”. This means to me if it’s not good, it’s not from the Lord Himself! You don’t have to keep bumping your head thinking this is what God has in store, because His plans are always good to you! Most painful situations that are allowed in your life are to help you grow, but when you feel like the relationship you are in is hindering you and not going to prosper you, it’s time to move on and towards the greatness God has in store! You can’t get what God has if you don’t let go of what the enemy presented to you! When you are around people who are clearly devaluing, disrespecting you, it’s not from God. Stop thinking it is!
I empathize with those women. Those girls. Those who feel that “this is it!” I have heard of too many stories and testimonies of women who bravely let go of toxic situations and miraculously found what was searching for them! God is so faithful, He will definitely give women what He promised them!
I’m praying for those who need an ounce of courage on this issue. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t cheat. For real.